A communication workshop participant once told me that the day after her weekend-long workshop she arrived late at the hospital bedside of her mother who was surrounded by the family. The very space was deadening with low and respectful voices, as though her mother had already died. She immediately asked everyone if she could have a moment alone with her mother. When everyone had left she asked her mother: "So what's up Mom, do you want to live or die? —I need to know so that I can support
your intention." The mother hesitated, clearly considering the significance of the question, and then said, "Thanks sweetheart, I hadn't thought of it as a choice; I'd like to live a few more years." The rest of the story is quite inspiring—the mom became the first grandmother to graduate from US Army Ranger Training. NOT!
It's clear to me that most homeless people have not consciously chosen to be living as they do. Their's is an unconscious decision they made long ago after a specific upset; it's an in-your-face communication of blaming contempt and disrespect they have for the rest of us.
1 For certain they are not clear about their intentions; few have a vision. They have lapsed into their victim-mode. Most will say they don't blame their parents, teachers, clergy, and the government yet they clearly prove to everyone that we all have lapsed into doing our
imitation of communication with them. The premise being: When a problem is defined accurately, when the truth is told, when communication takes place, the problem disappears. One such truth that's seldom heard by a homeless person is:
I live this way because I don't know how to succeed in this world of hypocrisies; when working I found myself compromising my integrity daily. My boss was cheating, politicians thwart and badmouth each other, clergy send proselytizing money to other countries—money donated by parishioners on welfare—they do so without effectively addressing the homeless problem in their own community—all this has driven me crazy. I played your game and look where it got me? Now, as a homeless person, I feel as though my non-verbal communications are having a positive effect throughout the community.
If truth be told I'm petrified of being in-communication with anyone because I know that if I start communicating responsibly, from cause, I'll have to give up blaming and trying to make others feel guilty, of forcing them to put up with my vagrancy; the game would over. I'd have to get off my ass and pull my own weight. Mo betta to get pitiful handouts and squat on Hawaii's most expensive property.
Put another way,
none of the homeless people are in-communication with anyone, not one person on the planet;
all are being deceptive, withholding one or more significant thoughts from a significant person (there are no exceptions to this phenomenon.) Few would consciously choose to upset and offend their parents or their community members unless the message was of significance, unless they had realized that they were ineffective in communicating the cause of their condition. What we see are the effects of a homeless person's highly refined powerful leadership-communication skills non-verbally conning us into feeling guilty.
2 All homeless people are intent on making sure the world knows what terrible job it has done with them. They hold that it's their job to mirror us for us. They are right.
Programs such as "No Child Left Behind," "Race to the Top, or Common Core," and all the other promising programs, will only produce more of the same if we continue to implement them using the prevailing communication model taught to education majors nationwide.
1 Each, with coaching, can recall the specific age, year, and place they had the realization that no matter how bad it gets, I can always check into an agency that cares for homeless people. If I screw up enough I can always con someone for food and shelter and then, when recovered enough, return to living like a troll. Their philosophy is based on a life-time of experiences of conning and being conned. They know with absolute certainty that cons (health-care professionals) can always be conned; cons such as family, managers, clergy, and teachers, can't be respected because they are so easily conned. I.e. Every single one conned me into conning them, none were aware that they had lapsed into doing their imitation of communication with me. With fairly effective therapists I'd just quit therapy before they got too close, and, they'd let me; none knew how to get into communication with me so as effect a permanent transformation, yet all drawing salaries for being ineffective.
2 A child will do anything to restore the experience of love and communication that once was; they will misbehave, fail in school, get sick or even draw the attention of social workers or the police
so as to communicate that they are not in-communication with anyone.
Last edited 10/14/19
