About Mothers for Life

[Kerry]

Mothers for Life is a nonprofit organization consisting of mothers whose child became involved with a "anti-American activity/terrorist" group.

I applaud Mothers for Life¹ for supporting each other in being complete, specifically, for acknowledging (responsibly communicating) their cause for such an outcome. We all know what a challenge it is to acknowledge being cause for an unexpected outcome; most of us are unconscious and addicted to blaming.

• Premise #1: One can't complete something they did not create.  Just because I don't know how I produced a result doesn't mean that I (using my verbal, non-verbal, physical, and psychic leadership-communication skills) didn't intend it (however unconscious I may have been at the time).²
• Premise #2: Abuse is any communication that was not mutually satisfying, that still does not feel good. Each terrorist supporter is abusively communicating something to his/her parents; they have to keep repeating themselves because no one is skilled at getting them.³
• Premise #3: Thoughts of guilt, regret, shame and blame persist because a specific truth has yet to be told; talking with friends who agree with you causes a problem to persist whereas communicating a problem responsibly (from cause) disappears it.

As a Communicologist (Leadership-Relationship Communication-Skills Coach) I have the following considerations:
 
Examples of responsible communications:

As a parent of a child who resorts to terror as a way of communicating I'd have to be willing to ask, “What is it about my leadership-communication skills that caused this outcome and, to have an intention to know.
 
Without coaching or therapy the mind will typically hide ones cause for an undesirable outcome from itself. I.e. "We were going along nicely and then a specific communication after which things were never the same. For some, as yet to be acknowledged brilliant reason, I intended it.”  It was an upsetting incident (day, date, time and location) that didn't end with hugs. That less-than-mutually-satisfying outcome is referred to as an incomplete. It was the fork in the road between the parent and child.
 
Typically, such incidents are difficult to recall without a coach (or clearings) because the mind hides its responsibility for causing unconscious intentions (un-envisioned outcomes).

I'd also have to be willing to acknowledge that my child had no choice other than to mirror my integrity. I trained my child to withhold thoughts and to deceive me—no wonder he/she didn't want anything to do with me or my way of relating—I honestly believed I was in-communication with my child; I had become stuck doing my imitation of communication.

And the biggie: “What communication of mine caused my child to know, with absolute certainty, that there was no space for communication to take place between us? I was so unconscious that I couldn't see that the integrity between me and my child was out.” ⁴

Note: Few people leave relationships that are working. A happy, loving, satisfied, well-adjusted person—one committed to their neighborhood and community working—doesn’t move away from wonderful supportive loving family members and nurturing communities (if they do so, say in service to others, it's with the positive support of family members). Without exception all terrorists left families and communities that weren't working, communities that needed their help as much as does any terrorist group. Airline stewards advise: "Put on your oxygen mask first before trying to help another."

All families addicted to abusing and to being abused, including all Mothers for Life and their progeny, during a weekend-long communication workshop, would find themselves communicating hundreds (yes hundreds) of thoughts that they all have withheld⁵ from each other—each withhold would be communicated responsibly with zero blame.

Use the The [free] Clearing Process to restore and maintain your integrity—to create space for communication to take place. (it works—it’s free)

More Effective Communicators—men or women? A post addressing responsibility for a child joining a terrorist group.

1 Mo betta the organization be named Parents for Life or even Village for Life. All results, including incarceration, recidivism, or a teen supporting a terrorist group, are produce via the leadership-communication skills of all concerned—beginning with the parents. 

² All "victims" of spousal infidelity can, via a three-hour consultation with a communication-skills coach, recall the well-hidden incident, the specific deceit they perpetrated on their partner that gave him/her non-verbal permission to deceive them, to withhold certain thoughts (there are no "victims" when it comes to infidelity, or a terrorist-supporting child) —only parents who both lapsed into doing their imitation of communication.

³ A child will do anything, misbehave, get sick, fail in school or life so as to draw attention to the fact that they are not in-communication with anyone; they do this so as to recreate the experience of love that once was between their parents.

⁴ If you keep using the same leadership-communication model that drove your child away, you will continue to produce more of the same. It could be said that you unconsciously drove your child out of your life to support you in restoring your integrity so as to continue your communication studies. The Adversarial Communication Model taught nationwide in schools and universities produces blaming breakdowns in communication.

⁵ All divorces began when both partners, on their first date, unconsciously, non-verbally, simultaneously, gave each other permission to withhold his/her thought of choice from the other (there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon).

Update 5/13/17

Sue, I just heard a more recent 5/13/17 interview on TED Radio Hour of you with Guy Roz.

Re: "I failed as a parent." Not true. You, using your leadership-communication skills, produced the result you produced for some yet to be realized brilliant reason.*

Re: "I continuously ask myself what I could have done." Notice that you've yet to intend to get the answer. When you use your mind to recall the very first breakdown in communication between you and your son your mind hides the incident from you. That's the value of a consultation with a communication-skills coach; a coach knows how to create space for the truth to be told.
 
There was a turning point, the very first interaction between you and your son that was not mutually satisfying. That incomplete was the fork in the road; it's been affecting you both to this very day.  Your mind doesn't want to acknowledged that it trained your son to be deceitful, to withhold thoughts from you. A child has no choice other than to mirror the integrity of both parents.

* Your gift to mothers everywhere, your purpose in life, has become, sharing the effects of the difference between talking and communicating. You failed to clear your son each night at bedtime. Because you didn't create space for him to communicate his upsets and withholds each evening he ended up being out-integrity ergo, dramatizing his anger.

If your intention is to be complete I recommend that you do The [free] Clearing Process after which you may request a free telephone clearing with me. Read about the Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen --also free,--a must for all parents.[/list]

Last edited 1/6/24