What do all terrorists have in common?I believe research will reveal that all terrorists (domestic and foreign) have had one or more verbal/non-verbal
abuses perpetrated on them by his/her parents,
specifically, abuses that were not verbally acknowledged by the parent(s).
What turns verbal abuse into life-long damaging abuse is if you, as a parent, don't later acknowledge the abuse to your child. The same applies for make-wrongs, yellings, spankings, arm-jerkings, or head-slapping physical abuses. Here's an example of acknowledging an abusive communication:
"Son, I get that I was just abusive to you." or, "Son, I get that I was abusive to you yesterday."
1 nothing more, nothing less. Notice that an acknowledgment doesn't require an explanation or an apology.[/list]
If your child does something that triggers a knee-jerk reaction—raised voice-yelling-verbal abuse—it's normal, it's an essential phase a parent goes through in their communication mastery curriculum.
Unacknowledged abuses generate anger, disrespect and resentment.
2 A single unresolved unacknowledged abuse causes a child to do whatever it takes to restore the experience of communication, of love that once was. Most children, after an abusive communication, react by crying, looking sad or angrily dramatizing their hurt. If that doesn't work they then pout, thwart, misbehave, fail in school or get sick—anything so as to draw to someone's attention that he/she is not in-communication with
anyone.
If none of that works they then unconsciously fail at life and relationships to punish the parents or society for not coming to their aid. The mind will kill the body (unhealthy foods, drugs, no exercising, becoming homeless) so as to be right, to make someone wrong. I.e. A long ignored (unacknowledged) baby will repeatedly bang its head on the crib to get (love-communication) attention.
The way to complete one's addiction to abusing or being abused is to verbally acknowledge each and every instance of abuse. Silence or talking
causes it to "happen" again. If for example you were yelled at it's your responsibility to have the yeller acknowledge that they know that it didn't feel good; they must acknowledge that they know that it was abusive.
If you fail to get the acknowledgment, then you become cause for all future abuses.
The way to complete your relationships with your child and your partner is for
you to first do
The Clearing Process and then invite your partner to do the process, and then both of you do
The Clearing Process for Couples and then for
you to do
The Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen with your child each evening at bed-time. The clearing processes are free.
Note 1: Most divorced couples never saw or heard their parents
responsibly acknowledge (verbally clean up) an abusive interaction—from cause—therefore the behavior was not modeled for the child.
Note 2: The majority of teens have been taught to deceive by their parents; these teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex. These teens were never told about their parent's teen sex history;
the majority of parents hide their own deceptive exploits from their teen.
1 An acknowledgment is not an apology; it's not an admission of guilt or of wrong-doing, it's not a promise to never do it again. It's simply a communication stating, "I know that what I said (or did) didn't feel good." An abuse that has not been verbally acknowledged by the perpetrator to the "victim" causes both to be
incomplete—usually for life.
2 A parent that non-verbally supports abuse of their child by their partner is an enabler. Repeated abuse of a child cannot not take place except that one of the parents is an enabler who make their own survival (shelter, food, or an
imitation of communication) more important than the safety of their child.
For more about the possible effects of
communication breakdowns within families read
Mothers for Life, a blog post to a Columbine mother .
Last edited 6/9/17
