Open letter to the NSW community

[Kerry]

Aloha Brothers:

"NSW" (Naval Special Warfare) Frogmen, SEALs, SWCC (Special Warfare Craft Crewmen).
 
The following represents the essence of this "mustang's" life’s work since leaving the military, (Enlisted, Navy: Submarines and UDT-21. Officer, Army: Two tours, Vietnam, commanding airborne infantry troops).

I’d feel honored if you, the reader, read each and every sentence, especially, Military Scandals:  < https://www.comcom121.org/anecdotes.htm#scandals >, even more so if you shared it with a brother and your partner/spouse/family.

This post contains content covered during a weekend-long (34-hrs) leadership-relationship communication-skills workshop. Not to worry, your monkey-mind will protect you from anything with which you disagree. Ignorance and denial, of our addictions to withholding and blaming, comes before the first step towards communication mastery. I.e. "How I communicate with my spouse/partner has absolutely nothing to do with his/her health, my child's school grades, or the success of our missions."

This 87-yr-old Frog is posting this prediction* and some ramblings because it’s what I now do when I see anyone/a brother/a team of brothers, about to walk into a wall. Silence condones, enables, supports, causes--yes? Over the years I've submitted these considerations to the academies and the NSW community with no replies; admittedly this stuff is a bit off-the-wall. Enabling-subordinates tend to "protect" commanders from stuff they judge to be (insert reason).

It’s OK to assume that I’ve gone off the deep senile end; even so, this material will have to be addressed eventually.  This post invites you, the reader, to see if you are willing to acknowledge that together, you and I, using our leadership-relationship communication-skills, our combined verbal, nonverbal, physical and psychic communications, our purposeful silences, have been producing what’s going on---such as the possible threat to our democracy. Hang on, it gets a bit wokier.

Apologies for the arrogant self-righteousness. I blame it on BUD/S; I used to be right but humble--yah, sure. My thinking is, if you and I wait till we get smarter, more articulate, more courageous, then, together, we will keep producing more of the same.

Premise 1:  "Humanity is going to require a substantial new way of thinking if it is to survive." --Albert Einstein   In other words, we've gone as far as we can using the present leadership communication model; we are confronting mastery.

For example: Nationwide, for the last several decades, 25% of all college freshmen have required remedial courses to learn what their K-12 "teachers" failed to communicate. And, the vast majority of dating teens have been trained (by their high school teachers and graduate parents) to con each other into deceiving both sets of parents when it comes to their dating sex; all oblivious of the effects of a single unacknowledged deceit/lie (perpetration). Military leaders are not taught how to create a safe space for mission-outcome considerations to be communicated verbally. Ergo: Most Operators drag consciousness-sapping unacknowledged perpetrations into each mission. I.e. A lie or an inaccuracy on their BUD/S Application Form.

The following supports mastery, of life and relationships: Mastery here meaning, the ability to consistently manifest one’s stated intentions and have all concerned feel good. The word "stated" reminds us that results equals intention; no matter what our mind wants to believe, we are always manifesting our intentions. When we produce something other than what we envisioned we discover that we were unconscious, we were not clear about our intention, and, the undesired result was required enroute to mastery.

* "prediction" With 44+ years of research and experience as a communicologist (specializing as a Leadership-Relationship Communication-Skills Coach and Support Group Facilitator) I predict, with considerable certainty, that it’s time for another reputation-damaging integrity issue in the NSW community. That is to say, soon, once again, we will be hearing/reading about the negative effects of the leadership-communication skills of our military academy leaders. The issue will appear in the form of a theft, lie, deceit, abuse, infidelity, an “accident” or a huge failed NSW mission.** As you read that sentence your mind might have thought of something along those lines, perhaps you have been an enabler? The predicted “incident” will have its scapegoat perpetrator surrounded by his/her nonverbal enablers; it will be attributed to a breakdown in communication.  The consequences will be significant budget-wise due in part to the fact that our academies (and BUD/S)*** to this very day, do not effectively address six communication variables that affect all outcomes (stuff those in my profession have been teaching throughout the business world while you have been serving).

My prediction is partly based upon the effects of the Adversarial Communication Model used and taught in schools, colleges and universities, nationwide, including our military academies. The present leadership-communication model used throughout the military doesn’t address the life-long**** effects of a single unacknowledged perpetration on outcomes such as happiness, health, prosperity and missions.

For example: It’s possible you don't know that one or more of your high school classmates (who tried to be your friend) have mentioned your name during therapy; for them, your possibly unconscious abusive shunning was a turning point. It could be they ended up in prison. Most likely you have “forgotten” the incident; however, it has been affecting your results also. It’s possible that someone is still unconsciously hexing you, believing that you don’t yet deserve to be happy based upon how you treated them. Yes, hexes (both conscious and unconscious), a.k.a. “intentions“ work. Most likely your blaming narrative remains, “They started it.” “I wouldn’t have . . . if only they didn’t . . .” Or, "He/she cheated on me." As opposed to: "I, using my leadership-relationship communication-skills, set up my partner to deceive me."
 
For example: All academy commandants espouse integrity, honor and truth-telling, yet, for reasons, they and their spouses are withholding one or more significant thoughts from each other; all oblivious of the consequences. Yah, I know, it sounds bizarre, yet my experience is such that I’d bet any amount you’d find it to be true. The shocking truth? Our academy Commandants do not “communicate” The Code of Honor.  I.e. Military Scandals: General Petraeus. Reading it through to completion could be as challenging as BUD/S (it's comparable to a weekend-long communication workshop), you may be tempted to "ring da bell" because your defensive-protective mind (not you) won’t click each link. This, in part, because it will conflict with your belief system. Think of the article as a test of your supportability.

For example: It’s rare to find two parents, teachers, clerics, judges or military leaders who have, and operate from, the exact same definition of the word responsibility. Note: All divorced couples withheld significant thoughts from each other on their first date, both brought their addictions to withholding (deceiving) and blaming into the relationship--zero exceptions.

We’ve been addicted to blaming and withholding. Our leaders (such as Trump and Biden) have no choice other than to mirror our integrity, and vice versa; subordinates have no choice other than to mirror the integrity of their leader(s). 

For example: During my tour in UDT we were expected to compromise our integrity, to non-verbally support (enable) our commanding officer in openly cheating on his wife, all oblivious of the consequences. We were praised and considered “resourceful” when (during “midnight supply runs”) we stole needed items from other units—as in, surviving at the expense of others. During my first week in UDT-21 an old-timer was being transferred to the West Coast. He asked to borrow $100.00. Having transferred from submarine duty I thought I was among even more honorable sailors; I loaned it to him. He has yet to return the money. Each year, when leaving St. Thomas, the norm was to smuggle tax-free booze in shipping containers back to Little Creek. Me, later, in Dak To, Vietnam, as an Army Platoon Leader (173rd Airborne), I “borrowed” a brand-new Jeep from a rear-echelon desk jockey (for excellent "Mustang-reasonable" mission-reasons).

Premise 2: All verbal, non-verbal and physical communications have an effect, including psychic hexes and prayers (both conscious and unconscious intentions).

For example: An abuse you perpetrated when 7-years-old, and have yet to acknowledge that specific perpetration to anyone (especially the deceived one), remains in the back of the mind as an incomplete. Incompletes occupy space, they serve as barriers to creativity and the “experience” of communication and love, affecting all outcomes–for life.

Note 1: To deliver a weekend-long communication workshop a Facilitator Trainee spends at least 60-hours (during paired-sharing processes) recalling and communicating life’s incompletes. The Vice President of Community Communications and I cleared every other Friday for 30+ years, and we were still recalling childhood incompletes (cleverly “forgotten/stuffed” perpetrations and memories) triggered by a present-day "accident," broken agreement or a thwarting breakdown in communication), most always it’s about an earlier/similar incident.

If you experienced upset or disagreement with the above then your arrogance (your ego) is defending a perpetration that’s serving as a barrier to consistently manifesting the results you say you want, for yourself and all with whom you relate. Possibly, so as to maintain control, you will not share this article with your spouse. BTW: You and your partner-spouse are withholding an equal number of significant thoughts from each other. With 44+ years of facilitating thousands of 3-hour consultations I have not found an exception to this entanglement phenomenon. Withholders magnetically attract withholders.

Think of this article as a-fork-in-the-road. As Yogi said, “. . . take it.” If you complete The [free] Clearing Process for Professionals you’ll find yourself producing more favorable results in life, on the weapons range and with your loved ones. The Clearing Process can be considered the West’s version of Hoʻoponopono, the Polynesian’s way of restoring and maintaining harmony, of creating aloha, of having things work. Hawaiians, like Spartans, are known as fierce warriors yet today, one experiences aloha (love) the minute one steps off the plane. 

Keep in mind, a child has no choice other than to mirror the integrity of their parents. Parents: Your child is hiding as many thoughts from you as you both are hiding from each other. Recall what you hid from your parents; predictably, your teen will con his/her dates into deceiving both set of parents when it comes to sneaky sex. It begs the question, how much of such deceit contributes to the 42% divorce rate?

Given a choice, which of the two team leaders below would you choose?

Team Leader Alpha has acknowledged his addictions to blaming and withholding, he communicates responsibly (from cause) about results.  He is considered trustworthy by everyone who knows him. He conducts brief integrity clearings before each mission. I.e. “Acks ‘n perps?” Or, “Anyone have something that might affect the mission?”

Team Leader Bravo is cheating on his spouse with whom he is verbally abusive; he has one or more inaccuracies/incompletes/purposeful-omissions on life’s paper work, (job/loan applications, resumes, tax forms, various licenses and insurance forms). He non-verbally supports (enables) at least one other teammate deceiving/abusing someone. After starting an argument, the team leader left his spouse feeling miserable that morning.  One member of his team is embroiled in an abusive (mental and physical abuse) divorce.

Or, choose from two brain surgeons with similar integrities.

We intuit there are appropriate consequences for both our major and minor perpetrations, but we trash-talk the “woke” phenomenon and ignore, say, the possible karmic cause for a wound, PTSD, or a broken agreement. Our mind resists making a connection between a thwarted intention or "accident” that “happens” soon after verbally abusing a loved one, or talking-stink behind a superior’s back; a fearless person operating with integrity will say it to their face. A “leader” creates a safe space for (causes) all significant thoughts to be communicated verbally, whereas, someone-in-the-process-of-becoming-a-leader causes (yes causes) subordinates to withhold thoughts significant to everyone’s growth/success.

Note 2: Team members are admonished, . . . if you get in a bar room fight you will be sent back to the fleet (no matter who you say/believe started it).  It should be: “If you hit anyone, or cause someone to hit you (including your spouse), you must report yourself immediately.” A spouse/partner or an Operator who caused physical/mental abuse, and has yet to seek coaching, is thwarting the success of NSW missions. An Operator cannot be in-present-time if their mind is dragging around unacknowledged perpetrations/incompletes.

Note 3: One may “believe/know” they love their spouse/partner (referred to as conceptual love, such as the “brotherly” love we teammates have for each other) but few have experienced the experience of joyous, tearful love (overwhelming appreciation and gratitude), for a long time, if ever. The test for experiential love? Sit looking into each other’s eyes for 15-mins -- it’s referred to as a “Be-with.”  For most, the process is uncomfortable at first; it triggers (brings to the surface) all the incompletes, all the thoughts that have been withheld, the unresolved blaming-upsets. When a couple are complete, when they are in-integrity, the “Be-with” process triggers an experience of joyous-emotional love—zero exceptions.  To “hide” a significant thought from a loved one is premeditated abuse for which there are always negative consequences.

For example: Children misbehave, get sick, fail in school, anything to bring to the attention of anyone (relatives, neighbors, teachers, social workers or police) that they are not in-communication with even one person. Read about the Clearing Process for Parents and Children. Misbehaving and thwarting is the only way a child knows of to restore the integrity of the family, to recreate the experience of hugging love that used to be.
 
Note 4: The majority of divorces began on the first date when both withheld one or more significant (possibly deal-breaking) thoughts from each other, both oblivious of the consequences of deceit.

For example: Adjudicated custody cases cause some children to unconsciously disrespect the judicial/social-work system. Judges typically award custody to the best blaming con, the one who, using his/her leadership-communication skills, caused (started) the very first friction –again, zero exceptions.

Note 5: Nationwide, police departments insist upon counseling and desk duty for any officer involved in a shooting (until . . .). Eventually, NSW will have an MOS for an in-house communication-skills coach. Team members will be required to clear with the Team Member Coach after each operation. Sessions will not be entered in one’s records.

Feel free to quote/forward to whomever.

Kerrith H. (Kerry) King U.S. Army, CPT
UDT-21. Class 20 E.


P.S. It might work to think of this post as support for NSW spouses. It will definitely empower them in supporting their partner, if only to address the source of, and complete, one’s addiction to frequent abusive knee-jerk anger? A coaching-clearing session cannot fail, it always always produces more moments of joy, more experiences of love and satisfaction, throughout each day. BTW: Coaching doesn’t have to be reported as does therapy; it’s as different from therapy as whispering is to punching. The mantra of a coach goes something like: “There's nothing wrong with you, you are simply missing a few conversations you were supposed to have had growing up, and there are several incompletes that you are still dragging around into each present-day interaction."

**“. . . failed NSW mission . . .” It’s not as though an unacknowledged perpetration always causes an accident, it’s that one can’t be certain if this is the one that will trigger life’s accumulated negative karma. An Operator who is cheating on his spouse will always wonder, for life, if the teammate who died during a mission had anything to do with his deceit. It works to restore and maintain one’s integrity < https://www.comcom121.org/clearing/ >.

*** Within a few hours us "Tadpoles" discovered that the connable BUD/S Instructors were unconscious, they don't always tell the truth, they don't always mean what they say. They say "Drop and give me 20" but they don't mean "pushups" as demonstrated on day-one. They assign large numbers and accept half-assed pushups instead of a few correct ones.

The unconscious negative effects of all perpetrations can be disappeared via communication. When, say, PTSD is talked-about, it persists. The majority of mental health professionals only take the required communication courses; this accounts for, “We tried therapy and it didn’t work.” Or, “I have PTSD.” Or, during the next session: “I still have PTSD.” “In this moment of time, this very second, I still have PTSD.” In other words, the patient is not operating in present-time, he has no intention to not have what can also be thought of as attention-getting, income-generating, PTSD. He/she has not located the “source” of the wounding incident; he/she has not been guided to recall what might have been occupying part of his/her mind, seconds, minutes, hours before the wounding incident. What might have been sapping his/her awareness?

**** “Life-long” Until a perpetration has been acknowledged, by one’s self and/another.  I.e. “I get that my yelling at you this morning didn’t feel good.” Or, “I lied when I said I had cleaned my weapon.” Or, “I didn’t fill out my last will and testament.” Or, “I purposefully guessed at a phone number for a “Reference” on my BUD/S application form.” Or, “I need to hear you say that you know that that was abusive.”

With aloha, Kerry < https://www.comcom121.org/index-1a.htm >

P.S. You might rightfully ask why I didn’t continue and earn a PhD.  While earning my MA degree, using their required curriculum, I began teaching Sp-Com part-time at the University of Hawaii. What’s not commonly known is that for the past six decades, nationwide, 25% of all college freshmen have required remedial courses to learn what their K-12 “teachers” failed to communicate. That is to say, we were not allowed to teach education majors how to communicate with, say, angry, argumentative/upset/deceitful/defensive/abusive students/parents. Few teachers dare to be as strict as they know they should be to ensure learning; they are run by financial survival and fear. The present school Sp-Com curriculums are guaranteed to produce more of the same—50% Trumpers who simply can’t hear his, or their own lies.  After attending Werner Erhard’s est Training, his seminars, and his Communication Workshop for Educators, (read about The Leadership Course < http://wernererhard.net/leadership.html >) I discovered that results have to do with responsibility, integrity, and intention. Like your educated-self, with dozens of schools, military classes and trainings, I already had an understanding of the definitions of these words. However, “understanding” responsibility is as far from knowing as is not-knowing.  I left the university and began delivering my own weekend-long workshops and six-month support groups. Given the “Six Degrees of Separation” phenomenon, it's safe to say that most everyone in Hawaii relates with/knows someone who has taken my advanced communication courses. It enhances and supports aloha.

Most say that conversations with me transform one’s experience of communication, and like BUD/S, most say, “It was the single-most valuable education experience of my life, and, I sure wouldn’t want to do it again.” As you can see, simply reading about this stuff triggers upset and disagreement. Perhaps you can tell, with my dyslexia and composition skills, I was a “B” student in high school. Due to the military’s excellent Instructional Communication Model, I was able to pass Electrician’s School, Sub School and one full year (24/7) “school of the boat” (how to operate a sub if everyone else is dead), and BUD/S, etc., and later, all that R.O.T.C. and the Army had to offer, serving as an Army captain commanding airborne infantry troops in Vietnam.

P.S. Feel free to forward, quote, or copy; the way to cause (to intend) more of the same, is to not read it through to the end and to not share/discuss it with anyone.

Kerrith H. (Kerry) King, U.S. Army, CPT
UDT-21. Class 20E.

References: < https://www.comcom121.org/references.htm >

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Last edited 12/23/24

Thanks to all who have taken their time to read this. Simply letting this stuff into your mind will eventually produce different results for you and yours, it's what happens when communication takes place.