Hawaii legislators considering No Fault Abuse law

[Kerry]

A news release I'd like to read in the papers:

Hawaii legislators considering No Fault Abuse Law

It's possible that future 911 Domestic Disturbance calls to police will result in both parties being arrested, each required to attend a three-hour consultation with a communicologist (leadership-relationship communication-skills coach).*

A No Fault Abuse Law (NoFal) would shift the focus of domestic abuse from fault and blame to one of personal responsibility; it supports the premise that with abuse between couples there are no "victims" or "bullies" only consenting sparring partners. It supports the point of view that the partner who didn't resolve the very first abusive communication though to mutual satisfaction became cause for all successive abuses. For example:  A: "That didn't feel good."   B: "I got that it didn't feel good. Thanks for catching me!" This acknowledgment must be insisted upon with each and every instance of abuse, without fail. To not insist is to unconsciously intend more abuse. Upon reading this paragraph all abuse becomes premeditated—it's you consciously setting it up (intending) to be abused.** To complete your addiction to abusing and to being abused you must communicate each instance from cause, from how you intended the abuse.

NoFal acknowledges Newton's Third Law, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” It acknowledges that a skillfully well-delivered "whatever" or a stinging verbal "sucker punch" communication such as a condescending stink-eye or make-wrong, delivered daily, can have the energy of a slap. It acknowledges the power of ones highly developed leadership-communication skills to cause another (especially someone who has not undergone law enforcement anti-riot training in which officers participate in "Bull-Baiting Exercises" so as to be able to be-with the epithets delivered by angry crowds). One way to infuriate another—to goad them, to generate thoughts of contempt and disrespect, to drive one crazy with "Chinese water-dripping torture" like behaviors—is with lethargy, sloth, persistent poor hygiene or housekeeping habits, zero attempts at continuing education or self improvement and incessant invalidations, and of course, submitting another to consequences stemming from your costly drug/alcohol addictions or your illegal activities. NoFal addresses a fight between couples at its root cause, the very first communication in the relationship that was abusive, one that was not resolved through to mutual satisfaction.

With coaching the very first abusive communication, referred to as an incomplete (an unresolved breakdown in communication), can always be recalled and, via communication (as opposed to talking), resolved through to mutual satisfaction.

NoFal supports the following acknowledgments:
Using my leadership-communication skills—

• I caused . . .
• I intended . . .
• I manipulated . . .
• I goaded . . .
• I empowered . . .
• I supported . . .

. . . the physical abuse knowing full well the consequences.

The premise with NoFal is that a relationship partner would insist upon couples-counseling or immediately extract him/her self from a relationship in which they sensed even the remote possibility of abuse (verbal, nonverbal, physical, or psychic), especially if they knew, with absolute certainty, that both would be arrested if police were called for any incident of domestic disturbance. To not remove oneself from a relationship after the first physical abuse (assuming both have not undergone counseling/coaching/therapy) is to intend more abuse.

The No Fault Abuse Law will promote awareness about what to look for in a partner; specifically, how a date treats their parents (and others) and how they describe the dissolution of prior relationships (I.e. Zero blame). To silently condone a blaming communication (such as if your date says, "My ex was abusive.") is the first step in accumulating reasons for a divorce. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.

Most importantly: Police who respond to a domestic disturbance call would no longer ask who did what to whom, nor would they allow either party to lie as to who started it or who was the more abusive. Both would be arrested and taken to jail. Presently, as observed in the TV show Cops, police support blaming and lying; police are unaware of the consequences of the lies they elicit when couples (stuck in their blaming mode) tell their version of what happened, of who was the more abusive, of who started it. The No Fault Abuse Law supports both partners accepting 100% responsibility. "100%" here is redundant; responsibility is always 100%. It's not about blame or fault-finding.

Instead of appearing before a judge and being assigned an attorney an arrested couple would first meet separately, then together as a couple, with a communication-skills coach. No attorneys or judges are necessary. A coach would support each in telling the truth as to what he/she did to cause the abuse. Neither would be allowed to lie and blame the other for starting the fight.

Examples of acceptable acknowledgments to a coach would be:

• I started it.
• I knew he needed therapy and didn't insist on it.
• I saw him deceiving and being abusive to his parents and didn't support him in acknowledging his abuse to them.
• When dating he showed up late the first time; I didn't ask him to acknowledge the broken agreement; I continued dating him. I know this is part of what caused him to disrespect me.
• I continued to date her without supporting her in having a career, thereby making her financially dependent upon me.
• I impregnated her knowing she would not have money to care for the baby.
• I seduced him into impregnating me so that I wouldn't have to get a job/profession.
• I heard her lie to her parents and didn't support her in acknowledging the lie to them.
• I introduced him/her to drugs.
• I manipulated him into begging for sex.
• When dating, I supported the deception of both of our parents knowing her father would be furious if he knew I was having sex with his daughter.
• I supported her in deceiving her parents so that I could have sex.

Anyone unwilling to be coached in communicating responsibly would be referred to the legal system of attorneys and judges.

Feel free to comment. Your thoughts (both verbal and non-verbal) always shape the future.

* It's easy to visualize the effects this law would have on dating etiquette. Couples would automatically ask, "Have you done The Clearing Process?" so that they could then do the Clearing Process for Couples together. Clearings are excellent for restoring and maintaining one's integrity. They provide a safe space for upsets to be responsibly communicated. Coincidentally, "a couple's clearing" creates space for mind-blowing intercourse, unlike ever before.

** Once one is willing to accept responsibility for starting all arguments all abuse thereafter is premeditated. What follows such a transformative realization is the memory of their very first incident of anger; something about the memory of that incident is inaccurate, something about it is incomplete.

Lasted edited 12/25/23