"Me2 or I . . ."

[Kerry]

Me2 or I . . .:

Am I going to tell the story from a "victim's"¹ blaming me-too point of view ("He did it to me.") or, shall I relate the incident responsibly, from cause? I.e. "I, using my verbal, non-verbal, physical and psychic leadership-communication skills (including my conscious and unconscious wishes, hexes and intentions) set him up to do it to me." Care to guess how many readers experience upset when they read that paragraph?

We're referring to the '20s media reports of women stepping forward to "talk"² about their sex experiences (usually related as blaming harassments or assaults).  Given the history of the problem, the billions of women who have experienced similar encounters, it's commendable that so few women have come forward. I'm assuming that those who have not come forward have acknowledged the unethicalness of such blaming accusations and have accepted responsibility (cause) for the results they produced using their leadership-communication skills.³

This "#MeToo" 21st century phase of the communication-mastery curriculum is revealing our addictions to irresponsible blaming, to enabling blamers, and to being incomplete (dragging around thoughts, often for years, about an earlier interaction, into present-day interactions). The media thrives on stories of "victims" of sexual harassment and assaults, women who describe what "happened" from blame.  "He said . . ." "Then he invited me and . . ." "And then he . . ." or, "I literally had no choice; it was either go along with . . . or . . ." And, the two biggies, "I didn't know he wanted . . ." and, "I thought . . ."⁴ The word "our" refers to the fact that the rest of us (mostly non-verbally) support (enable) blaming communications.  It's not just that we put up with blaming narratives (via media reports) it's that we unconsciously intend the blaming, else we'd have to acknowledge causing our own outcomes. Could it be that "we" remain silent intending that certain "deserving" women punish themselves by setting it up to get date-raped?

Part of the communication mastery curriculum is having responsible conversations about "Me Too" interactions so as to disappear the karma of abuse and irresponsible blaming. Abuse here refers to the unethical blaming behavior of a "naive-acting" woman who entraps an equally unethical male; I haven't read any reports as to how the female "victim" caused the breakdown in communication.  Between employers and employees, as with spousal abuse, there are no victims or bullies, only consenting partners both equally addicted to blaming and to making each other wrong. Just because you don't know how you produced a result doesn't mean that you, using your leadership-communication skills, didn't produce (intend) it.

Examples of the consequences of withholding and of enabling:

• ". . . till death do us part . . ." Lies such as this contribute to the nation's approximate 40% divorce rate. All divorced couples brought their addictions to lying, to blaming, to withholding thoughts (deception) and, their misunderstandings of the words responsibility and vow into their relationship--we mirror the leadership-communication skills of our K-12 teachers.

• The majority of married couples are addicted to withholding. Both withhold (as in deceit) an equal number (yes, both are withholding the same number) of significant thoughts from each other. "Significant" here meaning, a thought consciously withheld for a reason, for fear of . . .  "  With 44+ years of 3-hr coaching consultations and facilitating weekend-long communication workshops, I have not found any exceptions to this phenomenon." --Kerry

• The majority of parents teach their child to lie and deceive evidenced by the fact that most dating teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex--all concerned oblivious of the karma of such deceit--especially the consequences of having taught your child to deceive you. Read Conversations in Support of Health.

• Most daters don't realize that introducing a prospective partner to one's dysfunctional family is abusive, it submits the date, and his/her family, to people with whom they would never socialize. Read: An inconsiderate gift to give a prospective partner.

• For more than 6 decades approximately 25% of the nation's college freshmen have required remedial comprehension/composition courses to learn what their K-12 "teachers" failed to communicate. Consider the nationwide karmic consequences for Interpersonal-Intrapersonal Communication Professors receiving pay for not teaching education majors how to communicate subject matter. One gets the job done or they have reasons and excuses.

¹ "victims" refers to the Adversarial Communication Model (taught in all schools nationwide). It's characterized by lying, withholding, irresponsible blaming, getting ahead at the expense of others, and enabling mediocrity.

² "talk" about refers to the fact that talking about a problem causes it (and its effects) to persist, whereas communicating it responsibly (from cause) disappears it. Note: A blaming narrative requires one to recreate a similar incident so as to discover one's cause.

³ Mirrored for us by former President Trump's blaming adversarial rhetoric.

⁴ We've all experienced movies depicting what happens when a teen disobeys his/her parents. Films have exposed all of us to the various possibilities between naïve-acting women and lecherous men. Most everyone during a movie has said to themselves, "Don't go with him, he's lying." And, everyone has watched movies that depict what happens to the "gold-digging" girl (often a former "C" student who planned on "hooking" someone to take care of her rather than study to have a career to fall back on) who seduces her boss or an older (often married) man not of her social-economic class.

⁵ A responsible truthful marriage vow would include, "I'll stay married to you as long as it feels good." A responsible reporter would ask the victim, "Recall an earlier similar perpetration for which you have not been acknowledged? In other words, if this incident is a consequence of an earlier unacknowledged perpetration, what thought comes to mind?"

Supportive articles:

Sandra, Elen, Jenny: cheating and responsibility
Newton's Third Law as applies to spousal abuse.
Date rape--liken to a police "sting" operation
More Effective Communicators, men or women?

Last edited 2/5/24[/size]