| Sex/Intercourse It could be said that in dating everything between climaxes is foreplay, and, that all of it (all interchanges, all communications—verbal, non-verbal, psychic, and conscious and unconscious intentions)—is intercourse. All it takes is a momentary shift in one's point of view for a sentence, a gesture, or a smile to turn from plain old "information exchanging communication" into sexual innuendo. It's all part of the drama, the dance between yourself and another—your creation. Not that the above point of view is true, but let's say that it is; if so, it means that while just walking to class talking to your friend you are in fact seducing everyone. If nothing else you are seducing everyone into liking you and perhaps a special one into wanting to date you. That is to say, while you are walking with your friend, you are unaware of it but a girl you happen to like is watching you. She in turn tells her friend, favorably or not, that she saw you. Without even knowing it you have been part of the always present intercourse taking place. Now if you could really get this you could relax and be the great lover that you are. Sensitive lovers are not at all interested in the climax. They excel in the tease, the dance, the tete-de-tete (the small talk, the joking) the stopping and starting, the stopping and restarting another time. A great lover is very likely to say, right in the middle of passion, "I'm hungry," which causes a laugh and a break. Which further enhances the sensations when they continue. Above all, they are preoccupied with making their partner laugh and giggle. Most women, when asked what they find most sexy about a man will say that it's their humor. That, and, "He's a good listener." "Well all that's interesting but I don't know what to say or how to make someone laugh. I'm just not a naturally funny person." And, the secret is... the envelope please,.... The secret is, to say exactly what's on your mind. It's called open and honest communication. Everyone is blown away when they meet someone who is practiced in communicating spontaneously. Why? Because such a person stands out from all other conversations that day or that week. It's refreshing to hang out with someone you can trust to communicate from their experience. With such a person conversations sometimes begin with, "I'm uncomfortable. I don't know what to say." Notice that they began by telling the truth. No BS. Nothing to argue with. Now, don't begin all conversation with that or it's experienced as another phony pick-up line. If you ain't uncomfortable don't lie. The great thing about beginning with the truth, such as, "I'm uncomfortable" is that it taps into a secret best known by communication consultants. A problem persist because there's a lie somewhere.
Big secret: You worry that people are going to talk about you and some people are going to think you're stupid, or not cool, or stuck up, or a nerd, or crazy. And that's the truth, they will and do. You are all of those things from time to time. Once you get that that's what people do, you can continue worrying, and give them something to talk about. Your task, your assignment, is to cause people to talk about you as much as possible. Soon there will be so many conflicting stories about you that the people worth relating with will check you out personally. If you don't assume this task with fervor you will get exactly what you resist. You'll not say much, you'll watch what you say, you'll monitor your thoughts, you'll act polite, and everyone will still think the same thoughts, and, you won't have had as good a time for the same results. "Yah but, that's not me!" Correcto-mondo grasshopper. You have lots of unacknowledged fears. You have hundreds of thoughts you haven't shared with anyone (it's called being bound up). And, you have dozens of unacknowledged perpetrations which makes you walk around looking guilty and untrustworthy, "not comfortable in your skin." In other words, you don't have anyone with whom to tell the truth. Now believe it or not we are still on the subject of sex and intercourse. Now we're getting to the stuff that determines whether or not you're going to be a magnificent lover or not. It's all about your willingness to choose to be embarrassed, to choose to act silly, to choose to not look cool. People who are bound-up hide their thoughts, for fear of.... The obvious example of this is an old Asian woman, bent over from the weight of thoughts withheld. In their culture they don't hug each other and seldom do they verbally communicate their love. It is supposed to be assumed and known. If ever you need proof that thoughts have weight look at an angry old grouchy man. They are so weighed down with thousands of stuffed thoughts they look like heavy dudes. They have become a black hole, sapping everyone energy. Here's an exercise that will allow you to see the power of acknowledgment. This process is about extracting from your mother one or more thoughts that have been weighing her down. Thoughts she isn't even aware of having or how much they are sapping her strength and her aliveness. You'll notice the difference in her aliveness, her energy when you complete the process. To find out more about the process go here. Here's a nice story about acknowledgment. How would you answer this letter to Dear Annie? Teen feels pressure to lose virginity. Dear Gabby renames the "virginity" letter: Should I keep conning my boyfriend into asking for sex? More: About Sex [ top ] Click here to return to the List of Topics.
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