| Here are some more frequently asked questions.
(posted on the
Teen Forum) What we're dealing with here is fear. Where does the fear come from? It comes from something that's happened to you where you failed before. A toddler, having no experiences of falling off a wall or getting burned is blindly unafraid. After their first accident they learn to be afraid. The very first time a parent yells a startling abusive yell (and doesn't complete the experience for the child, acknowledging the abuse) they live life always afraid it might happen again. They actually put an unconscious cap on their spontaneity, they become cautious. They live from fear. A boy who has interacted with his sisters and their girl friends has entirely different point of view of girls. To him they are real. They fart, puke, cry, and have tempers and in most ways they are just like boys, and so certain kinds of fears and embarrassments are not there. Children/teens who have a nurturing environment, who live with parents who communicate openly and honestly and spontaneously ask their parents such questions. "Mom, how do I ask...?" Most likely it's inconceivable for you to have such a conversation with even one of your parents. So the answer depends upon whether you want to locate and disappear the fear for life or just find a quick fix so that you can date her. The answer of course is that ideally you'd like to do both. Locate and disappear the fear for life so that never ever are you afraid to approach a girl and to have her say yes to your invitation. The end result is. you want to spend some time with this girl soon. To produce a "Yes, I'd love to. I was just about to ask ask you." result, you must envision asking her and having her reply rudely, "No way. Get the ____ away, you creep." If you can choose to have that happen then you'll most likely succeed. You have to choose to be afraid. Think about walking up to her, actually get into her vicinity where, if you weren't afraid would be a good place to ask her. It's a bit tricky because if you do it when others are around you might not have her full attention and then you wouldn't be certain what the no was about. So, answer one is: Depending upon just how serious you are about acknowledging to yourself that you have fear. See if you can describe what the fear is. She'd think you're a jerk. If others new and heard that she declined they'd laugh and then you'd feel embarrassed. In communication jargon we call those thoughts "considerations." They are real in the mind, they serve as barriers to producing the results we say we want. It works to write your thoughts and considerations. Use The Clearing Process —it's free and it works. Close this window to return to the page you came from. |