How do I get my parents to . . .?

The quick answer is, you can't. You can't "get" them to do anything other than what they are doing. But that's not a very satisfying answer.

The question is worded incorrectly. It should read, "How do I have my parents . . .?" The point being, if you try and "get" (read—manipulate, con, coerce, force) someone to do something they must resist you. This is because you need to create space for them to choose. It's the same with you. You resist when your parents try and get you to . . .

We have to begin with the fact that you can't change them.

Very few teens learn this. Most teens seem to pick personal relationship partners who are great but . . . They honestly and arrogantly believe that they can change their partner. Not. They think that what they call love will change someone.

To be powerful you must first choose to have someone be exactly the way they are, do the things they do, say the things they say, and act the way they do. That's called creating (intending) what's so to be so. It's the beginning of true power.

You must be able to recognize abuse:

Read Dear Gabby: In Mom's eye, girl can't do anything right / Yelling is abusive

Read Dear Gabby: Recreating a supportive loving relationship between your parents.

Read Dear Gabby: Visit to grandparents bores teenagers

Making a difference:

All we want is to make a significant positive difference in other's lives, our community, and our planet.

There's nothing more invalidating than to know that you can't even inspire your parent to opt for health, say to stop smoking, drinking, or arguing. It is the epitome of invalidation. You are forced to hang around someone who is unconsciously facilitating entropy, covertly intent on suicide (smoking/drugs/alcohol). Not only are they intent on a long slow death they are ensuring that you are not an empowered, happy, alive person either. Such is their unacknowledged anger and contempt and disrespect of you and others; they are, in fact, unconsciously intent on taking as many down with them as possible.

Here's what's so. If you "tried" to get a parent to stop drinking or smoking and you failed you'll keep recreating others thwarting you (not listening to you, not accepting your support, not tapping into your wisdom) for life. You are already addicted to being invalidated. So far you have only "wanted" your parent to stop smoking. You have yet to formulate the intention that your parent stop smoking.

The difference between "wanting" no smokers in your home and intending there be no smokers in your home is with the latter you are telling the truth so there are no smokers in your home. Intention equals result. Those addicted to abuse and invalidation give up and have their reasons. Keep in mind, they must stop smoking because they want to, not because you want them to.

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