Prisontalk Forum posts

[Kerry]

Tips for a successful parole:

The following might be uncomfortable to read, especially if you have a spouse, friend, or family member in prison or on parole. It might conflict with your definition of the word responsibility, specifically, as pertains to the results you've been producing for yourself and for those with whom you relate, all accomplished using your leadership-relationship communication skills.

If you have been living/supporting a lie, ("I'm not responsible for his/her …" or, "I didn't know he/she was on the way down." or, "I have not told anyone that I know he/she has committed other crimes.") then reading this might trigger upset, anger or judgements. It's about expanding your understanding, your definition, of the word responsibility.
 

The negative karma of all perpetrations (all lies, thefts, deceits and abuses) the unresolved, less-than-mutually-satisfying results from all interactions, all breakdowns in communication, including all guilt, can be completely disappeared with communication; the negative karma of all perpetrations persist with talking. Most of us have mastered talking, we've become stuck doing our imitation of communication.

Karma: Karma as used here refers to self-imposed consequences for unacknowledged perpetrations—for a lie, theft, abuse or deceit that has not been verbally acknowledged to self or another.

None of this is new, it's stuff we know. We've been lying, saying we want different results yet, using our leadership-communication skills, we keep producing more of the same, for ourselves and for those with whom we relate.

I posted the following on the Prisontalk Forum —Kerry

Tips for a successful parole:

Surveys show that for decades approximately 42% of Hawaii's parolees return to prison. As a Leadership-Relationship Communication-Skills Coach it's obvious that certain inmates have no choice other than to mirror the collective personal integrities of the prison employees (warden, guards and counselors) and the Parole Board Members.* —there are lots of deceits and lying (both conscious and unconscious) taking place during ones incarceration and during parole board interviews.

Prison greatly expands ones ability to con and to detect cons; one learns how to be, and what to say, so as to survive in the presence of professional cons; inmates become even more proficient at conning than the rest of us "lay" cons. A skilled con can sense, experience, hear and detect things others can't (they can see through another's honest act). Read Potential Rumor: Hawaii to hire successful parolees.

For example: If a Parole Board Member (presenting him/herself as a person of exemplary integrity) is withholding a significant thought from someone of significance (if the parole board member's integrity is out, if there is deceit in one or more of their own personal relationships) then their spouse is withholding an equal number (yes, virtually the same number of deceits) of thoughts from them; neither are a safe space for the truth to be told. If so, a Parole Applicant can experience that they are not in the presence of an honorable person and so they communicate appropriately, saying what's expected of them.

It's both irresponsible and unethical to release a parolee to live or relate with family members who have not concurrently participated in their own rehabilitation program during which they acknowledged the communications (specifically, the date and particulars of the fork-in-the-road incident, the turning point) that eventually resulted in their child being incarcerated, the parent's leadership-communication skills that did not inspire a life of integrity. A parolee will unconsciously set up life to get caught again so as to restore their integrity—unconsciously searching to find someone to respect, someone trustworthy with whom to be completely honest.

Obviously, it takes a family to raise a child; not so obvious, it also takes a family to send their child to jail. As always, a child mirrors the integrity of his/her parents and the community.

Both parents of a child in prison have one or more perpetrations for which they have not been acknowledged (caught). Both parents have an equal (yes the same number) of deceits, thefts, or abuses they have not acknowledged to each other or to anyone else. Like their child, they have not been caught for all of life's perpetrations. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.

Note: It's virtually impossible for one parent to be more honest, more ethical, more or less abusive than the other; both are withholding an equal (yes both and equal) number of significant thoughts from each other and from their child(ren). —With 44+ years of coaching thousands I have not found any exceptions to this phenomenon. —Kerry

Premises:

1) The majority of parolees are released without having acknowledged all of life's perpetrations (all lies, abuses, thefts, deceits), especially those committed prior to the one(s) for which they were incarcerated.

2) The majority of parolees have not acknowledged (have not been acknowledged for) the perpetrations they committed while serving their sentence—the rules broken, the lies, the petty thefts, such as using a cellmate's toothpaste, stealing food, the non-verbal enabling of abuses, etc.
 
3) All truths and all lies have an effect—all one's verbal, non-verbal, physical, and psychic communications affect everyone. For example: When you move, all atoms around you are moved (displaced) to make room for you.

4) One can't respect anyone (specifically prison staff and parole board members) who can be conned, someone whose integrity is out. Note: Each and every correctional system employee is dragging around one or more unacknowledged perpetrations into each present-day interaction, affecting all outcomes, for themselves and all with whom they relate.

5) Our integrity is such that we won't let ourselves get away with hiding childhood lies, thefts, deceits, or any verbal/non-verbal/physical abuses. For example: All divorced couples withheld a significant thought (a potential deal-breaker) from each other on or before their first date (again—I have not found an exception). Many divorced couples swore to God, ". . .  till death do us part . . ." unaware that that lie (albeit an unconscious one) determined the outcome. The correlation between personal integrity and outcomes is not taught in schools.

6) Life's unacknowledged perpetrations affect present-day results—including a successful parole board interview and satisfactory completion of a parole. I.e. Mother to child: "Did you brush your teeth?" Child: "Yes mom." If you have not verbally acknowledged your firsts, your first lie, first theft, first abusive communication, then your integrity is out; those unacknowledged perpetrations are still affecting present-day results. It's as though you're trying to make life work with, "I'm not trustworthy written on your forehead." or, "I don't yet deserve to have life and relationship work because I . . ." A person of integrity can experience another's out-integrity; it's an aura (vibes/intuition) kine thing.

Example #1: If a Parole Board Member is dragging around a lifetime of unacknowledged perpetrations (deceits, lies, abuses) into each present-day interaction, if their own child is sneaky and misbehaving or doing poorly in school, if they withhold specific significant thoughts from their boss or spouse, then others (inmates) have no choice other than to mirror their integrity.  There are no exceptions to this phenomenon. I'm unaware of any correctional facility that requires its job applicants to complete anything similar to The [free] Clearing Process for Professionals —the process is about restoring and maintaining ones integrity.

Example #2: If, as a teen, you conned a date into deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex, and you have not acknowledged that deceit, that perpetration, to someone of significance, then that perpetration is still affecting present-day outcomes.

As a Parole Board Member would you accept either of the following statements?

• "I totally accept responsibility for my part in the robbery."
• "I've definitely learned my lesson; I won't do drugs again."

Your answers are a predictor of how susceptible you are to another's lies.

Tip #1 Know the definition of the word responsible well enough that you can quote its definition. Note: No two judges, nor any two teachers in any school, operate from the same definition of the word responsibility.

Tip #2 Before your parole board interview find someone with whom you can acknowledge every bad thing you've ever done; this takes at least 5 sessions because the mind hides "forgets" some perpetrations that cover up other perpetrations. Once a perpetration has been acknowledged it uncovers any other "forgotten" ones. If you have access to a computer with an email application read Reunion Conversations (it will help you recall your unacknowledged "forgotten" perpetrations) and then do The [free] Clearing Process. Done with integrity the process creates a clean slate; it creates a context for deserving to have life and relationships work.

Tip #3 Weeks before your parole board interview arrange for weekly counselor-facilitated meetings with whomever you will be living upon parole. Remember, it was the way you communicated with them, and they communicated with you, that produced incarceration. Unless you've been studying communication you'll bring your old leadership-relationship communication skills model (the way you've been communicating) into each new conversation, the very same way of relating, that caused your incarceration.

* None inspired the parolee to go straight. This post brings to light the value of our proposed free televised Community Support Group for Parolees—with our goal of zero recidivism. —Kerry

With aloha, Kerrith (Kerry) King
Leadership-Relationship Communication-Skills Coach

The above (purple) post was deleted by Ms. Patchouli and I received the following email:

Kerrith1, Good afternoon, I am contacting you to ask that you please remove Prison Talk Online's copyrighted material from your blog posting located HERE.  You may review PTO's Copyright Notice HERE.

I appreciate your assistance with this issue.

Best Wishes,
Patchouli, PTO Administrator

cc: David, Keltria

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I reposted it but deleted the URL to The Clearing Process and I included the following "To satisfy Prisontalk's copyright requirement I include here: "© 2001-2019 PrisonTalk.com All rights reserved."

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My post on the Prisontalk Forum was deleted again and I received the following email from sass4221 The Prisontalk forum moderator who replied:

Your posts are not necessarily prison-related or supportive for the members in our community. Knowing words and their definitions are not what got our loved ones put away nor are they what gets them sent back for violating parole. If you cannot be supportive or post anything prison-related to help the families and loved ones of those incarcerated, then please don't log in anymore. You are truly risking your membership here for trying to circumvent my previous message about having Admin grant permission for you to discuss your business/service. Please read our Community Purpose.

PTO Community Purpose

The purpose of the Prison Talk Online community is Prisoner & Family Support, Information and Assistance.
While we encourage interest from people with a range of viewpoints seeking to learn more, anything beyond a genuine, friendly dialog is not welcome.

People who are (or were) involved with the Prison System find that they encounter a wide range of difficulties and challenges.

PTO was founded as a forum to help family members cope with these experiences; through the provision of non-judgmental support and the sharing of information.

PTO is not the place to debate whether or not anyone should be in prison, should prisoners and their families have rights or what kind of punishments should be meted out to the guilty.

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I replied:

Patchouli and sass4221, few would agree with the sentence, "Your posts are not necessarily prison-related or supportive for the members in our community." Although the above post was deleted from the Prisontalk Forum by sass4221 I believe most would agree that the conversations are of value, that some readers will get value from reading these stimulating different-thinking, conversation-generating, conversations. Coupled with our proposed free Community Support Group Project—for Parolees such conversations cannot but have a positive effect. It's important to keep in mind that all conversations to-date about recidivism (all the experts and professionals) keep producing around 49% re-incarceration. Recidivism is a powerful communication that's not being gotten. The solution will be completely unrecognizable to those responsible for operating the present system.   The goal of the CSGP for Parolees is zero recidivism. Together, as a community, we can effectively address the growing rate of recidivism. Releasing a parolee into the same environment that produced a loved one ending up in prison is irresponsible. All concerned must be rehabilitated. Eventually, family members of parolees will be required to attend support groups prior to the parole board interview. The exception being: If a parolee has estranged him/her self from all dysfunctional family members.

I then posted it to this blog: It's been receiving several viewings each day

Additional thoughts:

Family of parolee must attend counseling
Hawaii to hire successful parolees to serve on Parole Boards
Police Commissioner's new policy—no more lying—new philosophy for hiring a Police Chief
Do you need to be deceived, cheated on?
My wife hits me when we argue

Last edited 12/28/23[/size][/size]