Reunion Conversations
Communication Tips:
If you experience an upset, say these words, "I'm
experiencing upset. The upset is similar to one time when my _____
(insert mother, father, sibling, teacher, friend, etc.) said, ______
(relate the conversation)." That's the incomplete that serves as a
barrier to the experience of communication (an upset about burnt
toast is seldom about the toast).
If they begin to cry, hand
them a tissue and don't say a word until after they speak. No
touching, hugging, or consoling words. Yours is the gift of being there.
This is especially important when supporting another in experiencing
grief.
Neither ask for, nor offer, advice or suggestions.
Apologies
communicated from an adversarial communication model (the one we
learned from our parents and teachers), guarantee the continuation
of the undesirable behavior. If another shares a perpetration,
reply with, "Thank you. I got that." If they acknowledge you for
being a nice person, reply with, "Thank you." As opposed to,
"Really? I've always thought you were nice also." If they say
they didn't like you, ask, "Can you tell me what that was about?"
If someone unconsciously badmouths someone not present, say.
"That doesn't feel good." Ultimate integrity is, asking if
they'd be willing to communicate it directly to the person, and then
following up to ensure they did.
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